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Literature Text
Did I really fall asleep again?
Lost in a world where the nightmare dances
With sunlight and casts a
Half shadow
Across my mind?
But she was so pretty in her
Autumn leave gown,
Twirling and twirling and twirling
Until swirls of shadow
Softened, melting her
Into his arms.
And green eyes,
Oh blue and violet eyes, so
Warm and full of winter
As they gaze down
Upon my upturned face.
So that was me all along…
Standing there in a broken
Dawning light while
The chill of midnight wrapped
Itself around us holding
Night and Day together.
Ah, if only to fall once more
Into dreams. This time I can
Assure you that I would
Not mind another
Nightmare.
Lost in a world where the nightmare dances
With sunlight and casts a
Half shadow
Across my mind?
But she was so pretty in her
Autumn leave gown,
Twirling and twirling and twirling
Until swirls of shadow
Softened, melting her
Into his arms.
And green eyes,
Oh blue and violet eyes, so
Warm and full of winter
As they gaze down
Upon my upturned face.
So that was me all along…
Standing there in a broken
Dawning light while
The chill of midnight wrapped
Itself around us holding
Night and Day together.
Ah, if only to fall once more
Into dreams. This time I can
Assure you that I would
Not mind another
Nightmare.
Oo
I wonder where this came from.
Anyway it started with the first line "Did I really fall asleep again?" and then i saw a line somewhere else about nightmares, and then i wanted the piece to be in both third and first person, but i really wanted someone else in there as well and i started writing in opposites and oxymorons, which i hope people caught because they were fun, and i think i might have screwed up the last stanza but thats ok because it kinda makes sense and anyway i asked for a critique so you can all tell me what you think.
*GASP*
Well whatever.
^^ enjoy.
I wonder where this came from.
Anyway it started with the first line "Did I really fall asleep again?" and then i saw a line somewhere else about nightmares, and then i wanted the piece to be in both third and first person, but i really wanted someone else in there as well and i started writing in opposites and oxymorons, which i hope people caught because they were fun, and i think i might have screwed up the last stanza but thats ok because it kinda makes sense and anyway i asked for a critique so you can all tell me what you think.
*GASP*
Well whatever.
^^ enjoy.
© 2009 - 2024 Silvercharmed
Comments16
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactFirst, the fact that you borrowed a few lines really doesn't hurt its originality too badly, because I think you took it in a very unique direction.
The contradictions you put in are very striking, and leave an interesting picture in the reader's mind. I also like the meshing of first and third person viewpoints, especially since it's a very common occurrence in dreams. Your depiction of seasons is also enchanting, as well as your apparent questioning of the concept of nightmare.
The flow of this piece is, as always, beautiful. Your poetic language is lovely, and floats off the tongue when read aloud. Another beautiful work, Silvercharmed!